yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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