i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
