i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
