We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
