Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
