Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
