Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
