The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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