so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
