So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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