I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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