just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
