Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
