it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
