mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
