i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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