do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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