I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
