Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
