Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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