Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
