They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
