Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
