So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
