Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
