Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
