just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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