We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
