Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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