I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
