guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
