come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
