I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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