Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
