she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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