Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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