haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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