so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
