i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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