Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
