Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
