Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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