Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
