Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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