Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
