So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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