as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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