why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
