tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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