he puts the penis in happiness.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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